Having difficulty with toileting
Dementia can make it harder to find the toilet, manage clothing, or remember what to do next. Gentle guidance can help protect their comfort and dignity.
Check first
- Can they find and clearly see the toilet?
- Are buttons, zippers, or their brief difficult to remove?
- Could they be constipated or having pain when passing urine?
- Can they sit down and stand up safely?
- Are they showing signs of needing the toilet, such as pacing, fidgeting, or pulling at clothing?
Try this
- 1Make the toilet easier to find. Keep the path clear and well lit. Try a sign with the word “Toilet” and a picture. A toilet seat that contrasts with the toilet and surroundings may help when everything is white.
- 2Guide one step at a time. Say, “Let’s lower your trousers,” then pause before the next instruction. Offer help with clothing or their brief, explaining before you touch them. Elastic-waist clothing may be easier.
- 3Offer gentle reminders. Offer a toilet visit about every two hours during the day, while they are awake. Watch for signs they need to go sooner and adjust to their usual pattern. Give them time, and avoid insisting if they become distressed.
Words to try
- “The toilet is right here. I’ll show you.”
- “Would you like help with your trousers?”
- “Take your time. I’m nearby.”
- After an accident: “Let’s get you clean and comfortable.”
Keep it safe
- Give as much privacy as their safety allows. Use properly fitted supports if needed; do not let them pull on a towel rail to stand.
- If they need help cleaning, explain each step, gently clean from front to back, and help them wash their hands. Change wet or soiled briefs promptly and gently dry the skin.
- Do not restrict drinks to prevent accidents. Follow any prescribed fluid limit.
What helped today?
You can also note bowel movements or new symptoms to discuss with their healthcare provider.
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When to seek help
- Contact their healthcare provider about new accidents, painful urination, blood in urine or stool, constipation, or sore skin. Sudden confusion or fever needs prompt medical advice.
- Seek urgent care if they cannot pass urine, especially with lower abdominal pain.
- If helping them sit or stand feels unsafe, ask a home-care professional or occupational therapist for an assessment.
A gentle reminder
Accidents are not deliberate. A calm response can reduce embarrassment and make accepting help easier.
General caregiving information; adapt it to your loved one’s needs and care plan.